When I was younger not knowing what my journey would be, I always thought that I would meet a wonderful man get married have 3 babies.
When I was a little girl I’d play with dolls pretending I was a mummy. I remember being in my early teens talking to my best friend (who still is one of my best friends) about where we would be in the year 2000, Saying we’d be 28yrs OLD thinking that was old…lol. We also said that we’d have our 1st baby before 30 of course we’d be married too. Well it is now 2005 we were both married before 30 & yes we were both pg before 30 only she had her baby while I gained an angel not knowing that would be the 1st of many ^i^’s not knowing the pain, the anger, disappointment, frustration the feeling of being a failure & most of all jealousy that would follow after experiencing my 2nd loss and be trailing behind me for the years to come. As the years moved on our friends have had their 1st or 2nd babies while we struggled with yet another loss. I felt alone because no one knew my/our pain they could not understand they tried but they would never know.
I find myself when we are around our friends that I watch them with a strong longing hoping it does not show on my face wishing it were I feeding, playing or trying to calm my screaming baby. I hear people complain about there children of how frustrated they are with them, I would take there spot in a second. I now everyone has there days but I also see people that always just look annoyed with there kids.
When we meet new people we don’t ask them if they have children because you just don’t know what their history is. I would not want to put another person in that spot if they are suffering the pain we have and still are. I don’t want to make their heart heavier I don’t want to make her tummy feel emptier. Because really that is the way we feel when asked you have no kids yet, what is taking so long? Really we are trying.
I feel I have become another person thru this journey; I have learnt to hold my head high keep my hope alive and have so much fear inside. Strange enough this journey has made me a better person, I have found new amazing friends and learned so many things that I just never would of known if I was not put on this path this journey. I now know I am not alone there are many women out there that have the same pain, we have been able to help each other when the others around do not know what to say or do for us.
It just still amazes me of what I did not know. You just don’t know your path in life you think your going one way then with a blink of an eye your going another way. I now don’t know what my future holds for me I hope to be a mummy one day soon and that is where I keep the “hope alive” when I really don’t know if I ever will be.
- This Journal will be about TTC with infertility,
Highs lows just everything involved with our journey for our baby.
Discovered after 2nd loss that I Have Unicornuate Uterus Right ovary buy my ribs,
left behind uterus. Can only get pg from the left side.
^i^ 6weeks 8/24/00
^i^ 12weeks 6/7/01 ^i^
^i^ 9weeks 11/6/02, ectopic pg
^i^ William Clement was born to us silently on Dec 21, 2003(He was 19weeks)
^i^ on Aug 31/04 @ 10.5weeks Mini-we Baby Girl 
- You Just Never Know...
- Oh to be a 40's Torch Singer
- 3outta5
- Days of Deerledge
- Planet Jules
- Happily Ever After
- Ramblings From Robin
- Our Journey
- As Zach and Ryan's world Turns
- Life with a Bazillion Kids
- Rebecca's Blog
- Sarah's Random Thoughts
- Tantrum Town
- The Life and Times of Maureen
- Our Journey "Surrogacy"
- Opinionated mother of two TTC #3
- Rantings of a Late Night Mama
- Who links to me?
- A little about our Journey
- Well I am back from yet another Fertility Clinic D...
- U/S update Oing
- I have an Angel Daughter
- Dr. from the Clinic called.....
- Clomid
- AF is here
- Hello spot...
- Wondering if ever...
- babysat our 1yr old nephew
design: OMI Ripped, by nakaithus
Sunday, February 13, 2005
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