Well I just came back from the U/S and I am Oing on the wrong side again. This is so frustrating I am truly starting to believe I am either not ment to carry my baby or not to have one....
The Dr said that my uterine lining is not were it should be at this stage CD10 (what a surprise something else to go wrong). I have 2 follies on the right side so he said to still have intercourse around O because my tube can still grab it, does not happen often but it has.
I am to stop clomid for 2months and try the natural way, they said the clomid can affect the uterus lining if taken to long and that the body gets use to the clomid so guess I am off it for 2 months. They kept saying we know it is frustrating and 2 months seems like a long time.....but all I kept thinking was I wanted them out of the room, you try to keep a happy face,I am sure they saw thru me. I shed a couple of tears on the way to work.
I really would like to know why I was put on this path! I hate to say it but I really am loosing hope that my body will carry a baby.
Dh & I were talking about surrogacy last night if we happen to do it, it looks like it would be a TS (Traditional Surrogacy) her egg or a donor egg & dh sperm because the GS (Gestational Surrogacy) is so expensive unless someone offers to do it for us at the medical charge only but that won't happen..... I have an appointment with the fertility Dr on Wed I am going to ask her about the surrogacy route again see what she will say. (I just keep remembering that mean nurse when I asked about it before, 15 losses in order to have a surro, she was a big b-witch)
You try to be strong but there are days you just break down, I guess that is part of being a human (even tho I feel like a freak/half of a human)
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On the Weekend a friend came by....
This friend is a very spiritual person, (she sees things, I will admit that some days she has me wondering about her but other days I say WOW)
She had this mendalla made for us it is about our journey the four butterflies represent my angels and inside them is a name of there guardian angel, I forgot the Sheet at home that explains about all the symbols and what each of my ^i^ means.
I was just touched that she wanted to "remember".
This is from My Mum & sisters plus a couple of close friends
A 70yr old woman made this by hand, I guess it took a year for her to come up with the spiritual guide of it, my friend said that she had to meditate to help her, said she saw me way back in the time of the Egyptian period and that my babies were always taken from me then she saw me thru different time periods having the same problem she said that in this journey I need to learn that I can carry a baby.
So yeah I don't know, but it is her way a showing me/us that she is thinking of us
