10:41 AM
I just want to chew, snap, whack, give the evil eye to whoever walks across my path...Grrrr and today of all days everyone here at work is throwing something my way asking stupid questions, ah they are just in my way!!... I want to THROW something & this phone won't stop ringing either!
It all started last night:
I felt a bit emotional when I got home, thought nothing of it....
Then DH happened to say "lets not do IUI for a couple of months, see what happens" yeah I lost it I started to cry, he then went on to say he feels like a donor he is tired of it all being "mechanical". Which is understandable, but do you think I would stop crying NO & I'm thinking what is wrong with me!!! It hit me when I went to bed cried on the pillow and then I thought CLOMID and it all made sense....
I totally understand DH and really when you think of it 4 of the 5 pg's maybe even all 5 were conceive without IUI so really not a big deal right? Well I look at it as an extra boost more of a chance kind of thing.... but really.... and that Christmas gift that could of been still can be.
I guess I have no choice, really I can’t walk into the clinic for the IUI and say “I’m here inject me” , when DH has not done his part. What’s 2month (8weeks, 62days……)
Phew I feel somewhat better .......... ah NO (I think today I need to be in a room all by myself)
Another thing, (this is probably the clomid speaking, I will type it anyways because it is how I feel right at this moment)
This just sucks it really does, why us on this path or journey and so easy for others.... what is the reason behind it all.
I'm tired of being "strong" when there are times I just need to cry, cry tears of frustration, anger, sadness or just to cry...
- This Journal will be about TTC with infertility,
Highs lows just everything involved with our journey for our baby.
Discovered after 2nd loss that I Have Unicornuate Uterus Right ovary buy my ribs,
left behind uterus. Can only get pg from the left side.
^i^ 6weeks 8/24/00
^i^ 12weeks 6/7/01 ^i^
^i^ 9weeks 11/6/02, ectopic pg
^i^ William Clement was born to us silently on Dec 21, 2003(He was 19weeks)
^i^ on Aug 31/04 @ 10.5weeks Mini-we Baby Girl 
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Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Monday, November 29, 2004
Bring on the Hot Flashes
Today I started Clomid 100mg, should be having an ultrasound (U/S) about 7days from now to see what side I will Ovulate on (better be the left) So just sitting here waiting for the nurse to call back......
Still taking Prenatal Vitamins, and Aspirin 81mg and of course my synthroid meds.
Still taking Prenatal Vitamins, and Aspirin 81mg and of course my synthroid meds.
Saturday, November 27, 2004
Finally AF has found me
I had no cramps either I was expecting something fierce since it has been 46days, She was easy on me. Now to start Clomid 100mg on CD3 & hope for IUI in about 2w time then maybe just maybe a wonderful X-mas gift...
Have to share this dream I had last night:
I was at a house where there were a few babies crawling around (mine was one of them) I wanted to put my baby down for a nap but I did not know which baby was mine & was thinking what is wrong with me which one is my baby it needs a NAP. then I woke
Today I took out a couple of Christmas stuff, part of me feels guilty for doing this for even thinking of setting up the tree soon, reason being because we lost our baby boy William on Dec 21 last year. Part of me does not want anything to do with Christmas this year, the other part wants me to celebrate the memory of him be decorating like I did last year. I am just feeling confused still hurt, wondering why and I miss my baby boy so much.
Have to share this dream I had last night:
I was at a house where there were a few babies crawling around (mine was one of them) I wanted to put my baby down for a nap but I did not know which baby was mine & was thinking what is wrong with me which one is my baby it needs a NAP. then I woke
Today I took out a couple of Christmas stuff, part of me feels guilty for doing this for even thinking of setting up the tree soon, reason being because we lost our baby boy William on Dec 21 last year. Part of me does not want anything to do with Christmas this year, the other part wants me to celebrate the memory of him be decorating like I did last year. I am just feeling confused still hurt, wondering why and I miss my baby boy so much.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Frustrated
Still no AF, it has been over 2weeks she still is missing and I am testing BFN
this is so frustrating
If AF does not arrive by Monday I will call the clinic see what the will have to say.
this is so frustrating
If AF does not arrive by Monday I will call the clinic see what the will have to say.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Mistaken O day
I'm on CD(cycle day)38 it looks like I O'd on CD35
So I guess we will see what my body does next, we did happen to BD at the correct time.
A miracle would be nice
So I guess we will see what my body does next, we did happen to BD at the correct time.
A miracle would be nice
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
6days past due
6days past due... is there anyway I can get AF to arrive with herbals... hmmm Not sure if I should call the clinic and let them know AF is still nowhere in sight. They will probably tell me to wait it out... what else can they do?
If it is not one thing it is another I never had long cycles like this.... so I guess now I do.
If "IF" I ever M/C again I won't do a D&C, every other loss was a natural loss and my cycles went back to normal with the D&C I just don't feel Normal.
I am thinking maybe I did O on CD31 my temp went from 36.2c to 36.7c (97.2f/98.1f) guess I will see what my temp says tomorrow... this is the longest cycle I have ever had. If I did O we timed BD pretty good I might say, fingers crossed
If it is not one thing it is another I never had long cycles like this.... so I guess now I do.
If "IF" I ever M/C again I won't do a D&C, every other loss was a natural loss and my cycles went back to normal with the D&C I just don't feel Normal.
I am thinking maybe I did O on CD31 my temp went from 36.2c to 36.7c (97.2f/98.1f) guess I will see what my temp says tomorrow... this is the longest cycle I have ever had. If I did O we timed BD pretty good I might say, fingers crossed
Friday, November 12, 2004
Still waiting
Well still no AF but I am having O like pains on the Left side
I guess I will just have to get use to the idea that my body has change yet again.... Should I bd or should I not bd? just in a BLAH mood. Of course today of all days I did not take my temp in the morning so now I don't know if my temp has raised.
I guess I will just have to get use to the idea that my body has change yet again.... Should I bd or should I not bd? just in a BLAH mood. Of course today of all days I did not take my temp in the morning so now I don't know if my temp has raised.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
I'm Wacked
CD29 no sign whatsoever of AF I did POAS with a BFN & no spot no AF... does this usually happen when you have a D&C, even my chart does not show that I O'ed Normally spot finds me 2days before and AF on CD28 it use to be like clock work, not anymore, that is why I am a bit (ok a lot) impatient. lol
If it is not one thing it is another I am just so eager to get to TTC again.
If it is not one thing it is another I am just so eager to get to TTC again.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
OK who is holding AF
OK who is holding AF hostage??
Today is day 28 AF should be here, well she still has time to arrive but usually spot arrives 1st and no sign of him "spot" that is.. No I am not pg I tested and got a BFN(big fat negative). I would really like for AF to be here this morning and I can count that as day 1 but if she comes after 3pm tomorrow is day 1....I just want to get started again.
If it is not one thing it is another...
Calling out to AF "come to me!!" lol
Today is day 28 AF should be here, well she still has time to arrive but usually spot arrives 1st and no sign of him "spot" that is.. No I am not pg I tested and got a BFN(big fat negative). I would really like for AF to be here this morning and I can count that as day 1 but if she comes after 3pm tomorrow is day 1....I just want to get started again.
If it is not one thing it is another...
Calling out to AF "come to me!!" lol
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Did IV-IgG yesterday
Did the IV-IgG yesterday (Gamma globulin)
Was ok
I arrive at 9am they got me in a room with 2 other ladies one an elderly women and a girl about my age who slept the whole time. I sat in a chair (kind of like a recliner)set up the IV(normal one) I had to wait for the Gamma globulin it was not ready for me.(I have to call 1st thing in the morning before I go next time, so they have it ready) When they finally got the Gamma globulin when the injected it I felt a little woozy at first then all was fine, they took my blood pressure every 15min & if it was good they'd speed up the drip so all in all It took about 3 1/2hrs then I was sent home. Every time I go the the hospital I always get so tired from it, I just laid on the couch for the rest of the day.
The nurses kept commenting about my blood pressure, they kept saying boy you are relaxed. The lowest it went was 97/64 the highest 109/70. This was the 1st in a while that when I got a IV I did not bruise ...Yeah.
I go back on Dec 2 at 9am then Dec 31st. Hoping I get pg before Dec 31st
Was ok
I arrive at 9am they got me in a room with 2 other ladies one an elderly women and a girl about my age who slept the whole time. I sat in a chair (kind of like a recliner)set up the IV(normal one) I had to wait for the Gamma globulin it was not ready for me.(I have to call 1st thing in the morning before I go next time, so they have it ready) When they finally got the Gamma globulin when the injected it I felt a little woozy at first then all was fine, they took my blood pressure every 15min & if it was good they'd speed up the drip so all in all It took about 3 1/2hrs then I was sent home. Every time I go the the hospital I always get so tired from it, I just laid on the couch for the rest of the day.
The nurses kept commenting about my blood pressure, they kept saying boy you are relaxed. The lowest it went was 97/64 the highest 109/70. This was the 1st in a while that when I got a IV I did not bruise ...Yeah.
I go back on Dec 2 at 9am then Dec 31st. Hoping I get pg before Dec 31st
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
IV-IgG is booked
I go in Nov 4th at 9am, I have butterflies in my tummy guess I am nervous for the unknown...
I am also impressed at how fast they got me in.
I am also impressed at how fast they got me in.
