What a Journey for baby

This Journal will be about TTC with infertility, Highs lows just everything involved with our journey for our baby. Discovered after 2nd loss that I Have Unicornuate Uterus Right ovary buy my ribs, left behind uterus. Can only get pg from the left side.
^i^ 6weeks 8/24/00
^i^ 12weeks 6/7/01 ^i^
^i^ 9weeks 11/6/02, ectopic pg
^i^ William Clement was born to us silently on Dec 21, 2003(He was 19weeks)
^i^ on Aug 31/04 @ 10.5weeks Mini-we Baby Girl
You Just Never Know...
Oh to be a 40's Torch Singer
3outta5
Days of Deerledge
Planet Jules
Happily Ever After
Ramblings From Robin
Our Journey
As Zach and Ryan's world Turns
Life with a Bazillion Kids
Rebecca's Blog
Sarah's Random Thoughts
Tantrum Town
The Life and Times of Maureen
Our Journey "Surrogacy"
Opinionated mother of two TTC #3
Rantings of a Late Night Mama

design: OMI Ripped, by nakaithus

Thursday, December 30, 2004

IVIgG today

This was my 3rd IVIg.

It went pretty fast 2hrs, the drip was going at a fast drip so my right arm was freezing I had to get a warm blanket just for my hand.

The nurses are great there I was asking them what I need to do because this is the last IV til I become PG, they were not sure but all said they would keep me on file till I call and say im pg or when the Fertility Clinc calls them for an appointment.One of the nurses in a round about way asked why I was having problems so when I told her I had a UU (Unicornuate Uterus) she looked at me funny she never herd of it so I had to explain it to her, Made me realize that I am unique even tho I do chat with women with a UU it is still not heard of often...

When I left I said bye to the nurses and they said good by & good luck hope to see you in the next month or two......... the other patients look at us funny like why would she want to come back??? If they only new this is my hope to get my miracle......

Yvette A @ 4:22 p.m. : comments: 0

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

On to another month

AF found me Christmas Day she was gentle on me this time.

Christmas was a depressing day (not because of AF) It is hard when you have grown up celebrating Christmas then you marry someone who does not give a hoot about it, it sure ruins the holidays. His gifts are still under the tree he has not touched them. I had nothing under the tree (I know it is not about the gifts but in all honesty it is nice to have one)

Last night DH was telling a friend of his about Surrogacy so I piped in saying GS is different then TS..... He turned and said then I guess we will be doing TS then (he thinks it is cheaper for a TS, In some sense I guess he is right) it hurt my feelings because he was so against adoption because the baby would not be his blood, so he expects me to be fine with this, (don't get me wrong if it is the only way to go I will do it) but he does not seem to understand that it will still be hard for me because I know my eggs are good and healthy and yet it won't be my egg & his sperm. I really want a child of "ours". It is hard to come to the terms that it would be “His” biological child and not mine.

It feels like he has giving up on my body, He is seeing the negative side of things that could go wrong he is not seeing the positive side. There are many women with the same UU who have had normal health babies...

Feeling like a failure today..........

Yvette A @ 5:38 p.m. : comments: 0

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Well, I am not PG

AF is on her way my temps have dropped, another year gone.....

FF has changed my O date twice now, guess I’m not the only one confused

You know I was thinking the other day that the only months I have not been PG in are January & February I have been PG ever other month..... So lets hope one of those two months bring me luck

Yvette A @ 11:18 p.m. : comments: 0

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

In Memory of William

My Memory of William
December 21 2004

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For William Clement who was born silently at 6:50pm 1yr ago today

My little one

From the first day I new
I was pregnant
We were so filled with joy,
our gift from God,
our sweet, little boy.

I tried to think of a
Nickname for you
Gem, dream, sprout & bean
But little one it came to be

We watched you grow
We saw your face
Your arms and legs
We saw you dance
Inside mommy’s loving embrace

Your daddy cheered
I had tears
As we watched again
You did cartwheels.

We saw you again at 17 weeks
My how you have grown
You had little cheeks
We saw fingers and toes
Even a little button nose

I felt you grow and move around,
little kicks of love
felt like heaven above.

You showed us
You could bend & twirl
You turned away then right back

You looked at Daddy & I
You waved your hand
We all laughed,
We never new what was planned

19weeks was all it was
Are little one was sent
to live above

You showed us hope
You showed us love
You showed us what life is
Moments, memories and dreams to be
My little one you were ment for me.

I got to hold you once
and for that I'll always treasure,
your precious, little face
brought us so much pleasure.

You are now our little angel
in God's loving arms,
where you will be safe and sound
and nothing can do you harm.

Our love will grow stronger
everyday as we go on,
you will be our son forever
as precious and innocent as ever.

We love & miss you William, your little footprints were imprinted on our hearts.

Love Mummy

Thank you all so much for your prayers & precious thoughts of William

I have Angels all around me

Yvette A @ 11:41 a.m. : comments: 0

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Spotting

I am 8dpo & spot paid me a visit plus my temp rised could be implantation or not, can test in 3 or 4 days.

Yvette A @ 11:26 p.m. : comments: 0

Monday, December 13, 2004

I finally put my tree up

Yesterday, I just find it so hard to get in the sprit this year.

As I was setting the tree up & putting the lights on my right breast started to leak, this does happen every now and then but it was happening a lot last night, maybe because I was thinking of William. I can not beleive another year has come & gone, we have no baby yet instead another loss.

12days to go to Christmas ........ Part of me can't wait for it to be over.

Yvette A @ 11:08 a.m. : comments: 0

Friday, December 10, 2004

"O" Pains

Well Dh & I did BD last night, When I took the OPK this morning still two nice dark lines, my temp was still low & I am having major O pains on the left so I am Oing.
I ask dh if he wanted to do the IUI, his response we did it last night & the clinic always said to wait a few days before IUI. Then I told him the nurse said to BD last night then if we still want to come in the morning we can, I am asking because I am having my O pains. But he did not say anything so I took it as a no.

How can He can be so sweet and loving one moment then so FRUSTEATING the next and yet I still love him.....hmmmmm.... and they say women are strange....

Sorry about my rant

yesterday, feels good to let it all out .... still a bit peeved but life does go on.

Yvette A @ 11:45 p.m. : comments: 0

Thursday, December 09, 2004

A Vent!

I just just want to shake DH sometimes........Grrrrr

This morning I get 2 lines on the OPK & I have very stretchy CM, temp still low, so I thought today would be IUI day....was I wrong.
Dh alarm goes off & I ask him "why is it going off?", he said "He has the appointment with the other massage guy in Okotoks (it's a little town just outside of Calgary) He the guy is going to show Dh another massage technique so they can work together. I said Oh, hmm well I got 2 lines this morning which means IUI today, Can you meet the guy a little later?" He said "no, I already re-booked with him once. Just come back to bed we will do it the old fashion way". meanwhile I am pretty much dress for work & most of all I am not a MAN I am not ready on a dime like him. Why do they think women can have sex like bang. I’m sorry but my body does not work like that, it takes me a while to get warmed up and "ready" .... So I am going to call the clinic and ask if it is ok to bd tonight then come for the IUI tomorrow...Hopefully tomorrow is OK.

thanks for letting me

(I get a kick out of this Emotion)

I just really would love to see a BFP (big fat positive) on Chrsitmas Day,

Am I over reacting???

-------------------------------------------

Clinic CALLED back and well she thinks it might be to late, said to BD tonight and tomorrow..The nurse said if we want to they could still book the IUI for tomorrow but she really thinks it is to late.... I told her I would Talk to DH & call in the morning if we go ahead with the IUI.....I just want to scream.

Can I say I am REALLY PI$$ED

at DH right now, I will have to cool my temper keep it cool since we need to BD tonight and tomorrow.

So should we go ahead and book IUI tomorrow, I know when I tell DH what the nurse said he will just nix the whole IUI. So much for a Christmas baby..

Breathe 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9....10 breathe

You know someone told me that God has a purpose for our lives, why was I or for that matter any of us giving this purpose of infertility, is he testing how strong we can be before we are beaten down?? a "purpose" whatever!

Pls send happy vibes to me before I go home tonight I WILL need them. Talk about BDing a demand, geesh

Yvette A @ 12:45 p.m. : comments: 0

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

YAHOOO!! It's LEFT....

I'm ovulating on the left...

The Dr who came in to do the u/s was a new Dr so I mentioned to him that the left Ovary is a hard one to find (of course since it is the one we want to find) and that normally the u/s tech they give up if they can’t find it. The Dr was determined to find the left ovary, he was jabbing me it was one of the most uncomfortable vaginal u/s I have had but hey he took the time to find it & I am glad he did there is one nice follies ready to go.

I also asked if they got the karyotyping in from my last loss still nothing He was not impressed by that either, He mentioned that it should not take that long that they should hirer more people or fund the department better people should not have to wait this long So that made me like him.

ps; I'm going to try to talk DH into the IUI just to up the chance, I will tell him I'll take the next 2 months off. But if not that’s ok we will just bd like crazy....lol

Hoping for a wonderful christmas gift

Yvette A @ 12:40 p.m. : comments: 0

Monday, December 06, 2004

It does not stop (the question)

Last night DH & I went to a x-mas dinner for the bank committee he is on. (Of course when we went last year we were pg) so as we sat down for dinner a girl asked "how’s your little one, must be running around now?" DH & I stop and looked at her, and then she asked again DH said "no" then she went on to say, "not crawling walking?" Then I said "no, no baby" then Dh said, "we lost him." The look on her face, oh man I had to keep it together so she would not feel worse, I just kept drinking my water.

She felt so bad she kept apologizing saying she did not know we kept saying "it's ok, you didn't know" needless to say it was a bit uncomfortable and quiet at the table for a few moments. We did make it thru the dinner & the night.

But it just does not stop, there will always be someone we run into that "did not know"

Makes my heart is heavy, the 21st is coming fast & I am not sure how I will be on that day, just thinking about it I have tears in my eyes. Gosh 1yr has gone so fast & my arms are still empty with another loss to add

Yvette A @ 10:18 a.m. : comments: 0

Saturday, December 04, 2004

About IVIG

http://sharedjourney.com/articles/ivig.html

Yvette A @ 2:12 p.m. : comments: 0

Friday, December 03, 2004

a thought

Well last night I mentioned to Dh that when he is all healed & back to work (he was using a nail gun when it shot twice one bounced back and shot him in the ring finger right thru to his palm, so he nailed himself (he is a Massage Therapist) that we need to save for a vacation when we are caught up with everything. Then he said well we are saving for baby. I said well we've been TTC for almost 5yrs we have had no vacation we've been planning around a baby that is not here, I need something else to look forward too.... It's just hard planning around a baby that should of been here 4yrs ago. When I turned from DH I just had an over whelming feeling to cry (must be the clomid)

Yvette A @ 12:26 p.m. : comments: 0

Thursday, December 02, 2004

2nd IV-IgG today

All went well did not take as long this time was done in 2hrs 1st time took 3hrs. Blood pressure is looking great low as usual. 103/64

I had to call in before I left that I was on my way so they would have them Gamma ready for me. When I arrived they got me in a chair in room 485, hooked me up pretty quick. There was 2 other girls there one about my age "A" she seemed nice it was her 1st time, the other "M" was one of the same girls I saw last time but she again slept the whole time. Half way thru an older gentleman "D" came in, the room was full today.

It is always so cold in the Hospitals, why is that? "A" & I kept asking for blankets and they kept forgetting she asked 2 times & I asked twice as well... and then finally we got our warm blankets, a nice cup of tea & a good book and read for the next 2hrs.

When I was waiting for DH to pick me up there was this old guy who kept going by where I was sitting, 1st he went by in a wheelchair looked like he was having a very difficult time maneuvering it, his face was all squished he was huffing & puffing then this loud burp came from him, I had to suppress a giggle... lol Then he walked by not 2min later not sure where he ditched the wheelchair but he was walking with a determined look on his face like he had some where to go about 10min go by before he appeared again in a wheelchair so maybe the 1st was not working right for him.

Also sitting there I was thinking that here in this Hospital right now someone just gave birth to a beautiful baby, someones loved one passed away, someone got wonderful news even bad news or even someone gets to go home. There must be hundreds of story's that could be told.

Then my dh showed up & I was on my way home.

Feeling very emotional like I want to cry, I was watching Oprah stories of baby girls being abandoned just heart breaking to watching that, people having children and deserting them throwing them away while others so desperately want one.... Strange cruel world out there.

Yvette A @ 8:29 a.m. : comments: 0